Ok First welcome to the forum, glad you found us!
Actually your demo rocks! Good job on no over modulation! I can tell your volumes werent the same at the end as they were at the beginning -- no big deal. The last bit of the demo kinda lost momentum for me.....Here what I do when I make a demo:
ONLY ONLY ONLY include your best pieces. As producers starting out, EVERY piece is kick ass, but in reality as you get better as a producer your own critiquing will get better and THAT will allow you to know what pieces youll want to include. Keep in mind a program director is actually going to listen to the first minute.....and probably less so its very important to make sure when you get their attention, you keep it. Consider shorter imaging pieces in the demo itself and (I do this too) LONG demos sound great to us, but in the PD world, shorter is better....youll really only need a 1:30 or so...maybe less, remember the less you put in the demo, the more they wanna hear more.....at least sometimes

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Post another....Id love to hear it and I hope these tips help out!
Smiles,